Wireless Meat
Janet parked near the liquor store and got out of her Land Rover. “Stay, good boy,” she said to her bloodhound, Trailer, and walked away. He liked to come with her but there had been too many incidents at stores, and it was better if he stayed with the car. She’d left music on and a window open, so he should be okay. He sniffed around and settled.
As her heels clicked across the tarmac, she saw that a Chrysler was parked nearby with a dozy bear in it. A few spaces away were a Mercedes and eagle, and a GMC with a griffin. The beasts were well behaved.
Her husband had explained the technical aspects to her; how these animals were integral parts of their cars. When fossil-fuelled vehicles were banned, manufacturers found a loophole that excluded vehicles “associated with animals”. They had taken advantage of the latest wireless meat technologies and developed hybrid monster-machines. Janet thought this was an unfair term; there was nothing monstrous about her Trailer; he was a lovely pooch. Despite being a farmer’s wife, proficient with tractors and trucks, she didn’t get all the details, but knew enough to run her automobile-animal duo.
As Janet opened the door to the liquor store, two more vehicles pulled in. She tutted at the Hyundai-Monkey, swinging on trees beside the road as his base drove along, and rolled her eyes at the Porsche-Wolf gliding along beside his sleek car. She wondered if it would be better to bring Trailer in with her, but decided not to. She would only be a minute.
“Hey Janet!” said the cashier Tony. “Another big night?”
She gave a wry smile. “No, no, nothing like that. Just some beers for the fella, and red wine for myself. Anything special?”
“Sure, over there. That new Scottish beer is good, it’s finished in whisky casks and tastes like toffee. And the Pakistani one; who’d have thought you could make a spicy beer?”
Janet picked up a brown bottle of Balti Beer, enjoying the idea of a cold beer that was hot. “I’ll take four of those, and that Moroccan red I had last time. Listen, I’m so sorry about Trailer. I won’t bring him in again. He’s a good dog really; he just brings out the worst in other beasts.”
Tony nodded. “Ah, never mind. These things happen. You paid your share of damage. But you know that the further you take your monster from its machine, the more likely it is to misbehave. A hundred metres is the limit. They’re programmed that way.”
The Hyundai-Monkey man entered sheepishly. Tony called out. “Sorry pal, you’re not allowed in here.”
He pleaded, “But I haven’t brought my monkey. He’s in the car.”
“You said that last time, and then he ran in and wrecked the place. This nice lady has paid her share of damage. The boss says you’re banned till you pay for yours. Its five hundred bucks, give or take.”
The guy slinked out of the door, and its leaving swing became Porsche-Wolf woman’s entry swing. She took a quick look around and left without buying anything. “She often does that,” said Tony. “Just sniffs around.”
There was howling outside and constant barking. “Oh no!” said Janet and ran out of the still-swinging door.
Trailer was on the tarmac – he must have jumped out of the window – facing off against the wolf. He was defending his territory, which the wolf was invading. Other beasts stayed out of the fight. Janet tried to get between Trailer and the wolf, but the wolf’s snarling scared her.
“Do something!” she shouted at Porsche-Wolf woman, but she grinned and stood watching; she was an observer, not inclined to join in. The Hyundai-Monkey looked at her owner for approval, and when received, she ran to Trailer’s side. God bless her, thought Janet. The bear and eagle, whose owners were not present, aligned with the wolf, with which they naturally shared habitat. The griffin joined Trailer’s side. A mythic animal is helpful in difficult times.
“Somebody stop them fighting!” shouted Janet, but people ignored her. The spectacle was a good one. Animal injury didn’t affect anyone’s insurance premiums.
There was a grinding and thumping across the railroad tracks. Thank god, thought Janet. Her husband was coming with the John Deere Tractor-Elephant.
babarjaved.com 
May 21, 2012 at 10:20 am
You write crazy stories. Are you deranged?